


Don't Worry (Be Happy)

by DoreyG



Category: Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics)
Genre: Bruce Wayne is Not Having the Best Day, Community: trope_bingo, Crack, Gen, Lampshade Hanging, Mentions of other robins, Pacifism, batfamily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2015-01-31
Packaged: 2018-03-09 20:56:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3264134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoreyG/pseuds/DoreyG
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bruce blinks, decides to let that go in favour of the greater picture. The greater, incredibly disturbing picture "...You've decided to become a pacifist."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Worry (Be Happy)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [storiesfortravellers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesfortravellers/gifts).



> Written for Daria234 on Livejournal, for the prompt "Jason Todd becomes a pacifist and meditates a lot, and teaches the other Robins to be meditating pacifists too". Also written for the "Lampshade" prompt on my Trope_Bingo card, due to fortunate circumstance!

"What?" Bruce asks. In a slightly strangled tone, at a great volume, while turning bright red at a quite alarming speed.

"I suspect that you heard me the first time, Bruce," Jason replies, with a smile so calm that several birds start singing at the very feel of it, "but I don't mind. We shouldn't hold on to old resentments, after all. They only lead to heartbreak and pain and a terrible _addition_ to the sum value of human suffering."

Bruce blinks, decides to let that go in favour of the greater picture. The greater, incredibly disturbing picture "...You've decided to become a pacifist."

Jason gives a serene nod. A bolt of sunlight shoots joyously through the window, Bruce has to briefly fight the urge to gag, "indeed."

"A pacifist," Bruce repeats, despite the gagging urge. For some reason, some reason that he's actually rather clear on considering who's standing before him, he has the feeling that something awe-inspiringly horrible is about to happen, "who likes meditating."

"Yes."

"And hugging people."

"Yes!"

"And _feelings_."

" _Yes_."

"A pacifist who likes meditating and hugging people and feelings," Bruce repeats, feeling steadily more faint as several flowers – lingering weakly on the windowsill, waiting for winter and their inevitable doom - burst into bloom under Jason's new benevolence "...And who has apparently convinced the other Robins into feeling the same way."

"Ah, you noticed!" Jason beams. Even the actually dead flowers – the ones that Alfred has been nagging him about clearing away for weeks - burst into virulent bloom, "yes, they have all decided to join me on the higher path. It took some effort, I don't mind telling you - but they all got there in the end."

"Dick-" Bruce murmurs weakly - manages to catch himself only at the last moment, a hair away from disaster, "Dick, perhaps, I can understand. But Tim?"

"Saw the logic of my convictions."

"Damian?"

"Respects Dick enough to trust in the validity of his decisions."

" _Steph_?"

" _Surprised_ me."

Bruce stares in mute horror. Jason's beam grows so bright that he swears he hears bells ringing, a heavenly choir coming to serenade the blanket of peace settling over Gotham.

"...Can I wake up now?" Bruce manages eventually, quite clearly fighting a losing battle against the urge to just slump to the floor and start rocking back and forth in shock, "please?"

"Oh, _Bruce_ ," Jason grins, a halo of light bursts into flame around his head. Bruce has the feeling, the quite sickening feeling to be perfectly frank, that world peace has just been declared to general celebration, "come now. It's far too early to get out of _this_."

Bruce stares for a second, scowls for a second, finally gives up and slumps to the floor with a pained moan. His face is probably a picture, his pain certainly a joy. Jason comes to stand over him...

And smiles beatifically. As the radio, with a quite perfect sense of timing, comes on and starts to crackle the happiest tunes known to man, "try not to worry, though, Talia took it _far_ worse than you."

That, unsurprisingly, doesn't help at _all_.


End file.
